When vanity and lack of sleep collide

On Friday night Jeff and I got home from the bon voyage party for our French friends around 3:30 am. We needed to be up at 6:00 am to make it to Ohio for Jeff's brother's wedding. So after 2.5 hours of sleep, we were off right on time.

Later that afternoon, I pulled up to the church feeling pretty good about the outfit and thought that people might not even know how tired I was. I walked into the church and the first thing my husband says, surrounded by his fellow groomsmen, was "Wow, wife. You look hot."

The second thing: "Do you know you're wearing 2 different shoes?"

Immediate panic. I looked down and had a flashback to earlier that afternoon... while I was getting dressed, I pulled the desk chair over to the mirror in the room so I could stand on it so I could see my feet and choose whether the peep-toe or the pointy shoe was better. I clearly remember choosing the pointy. Apparently I stopped thinking about it right then.

I quickly ran to the doors, but then just as quickly came back in. While it was going to damage my pride, I was just going to have to be the daughter-in-law wearing 2 different shoes in the pictures. It was already 1:52 and I was told to be there by 2:00. There was not enough time to go back to the hotel and get back in time. I would just have to suck it up.

I explained this to Jeff and my brother-in-law, who had finally stopped laughing, and he clarified that actually it was just the music that started at 2:00. The actual ceremony didn't start until 2:30. Man, I can run fast in heels, even 2 of varying heights.

As I reached the car, a man was wiping some mud off his trousers. I made of sound of despair at my own idiocy, but he took as a recognition of his predicament. He said, "I can't believe I got mud on my pants." I replied in a sort of hysterical panic as I was climbing into the car, "Well at least you're not wearing 2 different f@$&% shoes...," and then just before closing the door, "Oh, I'm sorry I swore, I don't even know you." And then I was off.

I got back to the hotel, grabbed the appropriate shoe and got back to the church with time to spare. My husband escorted me to my pew. A few seconds later the photographer came over, glanced down at my feet and said, "My son told me what happened in the parking lot. I was just coming over to check if you were wearing 2 matching shoes now or if we'd have to be creative with the pictures and cover your feet with her dress or something." sigh

It's the stuff family legends are made of and I suppose I will become accustomed to the fact that I will hear this story at every family function for the rest of my life.