2.22.2009

A funny shopping trip

I just got back from a quick trip to Target. I would like to report on two episodes...

Episode 1:

While walking through the clothing section of the store, I passed a mom who was my age and her son who was probably around 4 by the looks of him. As I was looking through a rack, I heard him shout:

"MOM! ARE YOU AN 'XL'????"

A much quieter reply came back, "(sigh) Yes, honey...,"

"MOM! I FOUND AN XL OVER HERE!"

"MOM! HERE'S ANOTHER XL!"

"MOM! THIS ONE HAS 2 X'S! DO YOU NEED ONE WITH 2 X'S???"

Finally, in a quiet, exasperated tone she responded "Okay, honey, thank you. Try not to shout anymore, okay? (sigh)"

Episode 2:

I was making my way toward the body soap aisle and was following a mom pushing her son, who looked to be about 2 or 3, in a cart.

He was making farting sounds with his mouth.

"Mom," he giggled and then made the sound, "I'm pooping." Fart, fart.

"Shh, honey, don't do that!" She glanced around her. She saw me.

Fart, fart, fart. "Mom! I'm still pooping!" Fart, fart, fart.

She glanced around again. I was studiously not making eye contact and was looking at everything we were passing with great interest. But I had to keep following her because she was turning into the very aisle I needed as well.

She paused in front of the body soap. Fart, fart, fart. She watched me as I stopped there, too. She left the aisle, without any soap.

"Honey, you shouldn't make those kinds of sounds in the store," she whispered to him.

"Mom, I wasn't really pooping..." I heard him say as they turned the corner.

2.20.2009

I made 'em sweat alright

Well, it was awesome.

And, there's something to be said for people's low expectations...

I got to the gym last night, changed as fast as I could, grabbed my CD, handwritten sheet of moves and tape (to hang it on the mirror, of course) and went out. A couple of my friends from class were up at the front. A few other ladies that I recognized from class were hanging out by the machines that border the aerobics space chatting and looking skeptical. One of these ladies walked over to us.

"I just want to tell you that they say they're going to bail," she said.

"Oh...," I said. "Well, it's going to be really good! They should stay!"

"I told them we should give it a try, but I don't know..."

So I took my sheet of handwritten moves and walked over to the lady that looked most skeptical.

I showed her my sheet. "Look, it's going to be good, I promise. I practiced really hard. You should stay." And then I went and taped my sheet to the mirror.

The group of ladies on the verge of bailing out made their way to the middle of the space. I smiled.

I was nervous for about 8 jabs at the beginning and then every time a new block of moves was about to start (the transitions can be kind of tricky), but I think it was really good. They all clapped when it was over and many of them made it a point to come talk to me afterward, which was cool. They were impressed that I had made my own moves. They liked my sheet.



I'm glad I joined this gym. I've found more than I was hoping for.

2.18.2009

My big break

Well, tomorrow something very exciting will happen.

I will get to cross another job off my top 5.

(On my list:
1. Farmer
2. Bartender
3. D.J.
4. Mailman
5. Aerobics instructor)

As most of you know, tomorrow night I get to sub for my kickboxing instructor.

I have my very own copy of my favorite CD from class (it both opens and closes with Rihanna's S.O.S -- great for punching and kicking) and my instructor even wrote down some moves. I tried to use her combinations as I was practicing, but found that it seemed a little easier to use the moves that occurred naturally to me with each track. However it took awhile to get the combinations to work out properly with the music the way I thought they should, so I probably worked through each track 3 or 4 times. And when you add that time all together, well, that's a lot of kickboxing.

So, I'll head off to bed now and probably dream of kickboxing. Jeff better watch out for any errant kicking... hehe.

2.03.2009

All's fair...

You know how Jesus walked on water?

Well, we might be dealing with some seriously holy squirrels.

Our squirrel war has intensified pretty significantly over the last few months. When I think back to our first feeble attempts to capture the squirrels (the sticky glue paper), I can only shake my head with a sigh at our naiveté. After the squirrels used the papers as play things (they covered them with the loose cellulose insulation from the attic) we knew something had to change.

So we bought 2 live traps. Squirrels make a lot of racket when they get trapped in one of those, let me tell you. Jeff took the first two squirrels that were captured to a park near our bank, which is about 8 miles from our house. As soon as he opened the trap, they were out like a shot. Straight back to our house! That's right friends. You could trade in your fancy navigation system for a run of the mill squirrel. Turns out they have a natural GPS system of their own, so even when taken away from home, they can still find their way back. Okay, okay, so I don't know for certain that the squirrels we captured 2 days later were the same squirrels, but they looked suspiciously similar.

We were having trouble with the idea of actually killing captured squirrels until the other day when it became abundantly clear that not only were the squirrels still very much in this battle, but that we were in serious danger of losing. Our defenses had been compromised. Jeff was taking his laundry to the basement when much to his surprise, he saw a squirrel. In the basement. That's right, out in the clear light of day. Having witnessed such a brazen move, we knew we had to strike back.

We put the traps back up and when we heard that we had captured one, we waited. And waited. And after a day, we didn't hear anything anymore. Sad, I know, but this is war.

Well, we've been feeling pretty good about the repairs Jeff made in the attic because we haven't heard anything for a couple of days. There's been no more sightings in the basement and we were starting to breathe a little easier. That is until this morning.

I was sitting in the office drinking my coffee when I heard Jeff say "So that's why I haven't seen any squirrel tracks."

I looked out the window and to my surprise, I saw a squirrel walking ever so carefully on the snow and he wasn't making a single track. It was like Jesus himself had taught him.

Now how are we going to compete with that? With God on their side, I'm afraid we don't stand a chance.