Of Mice and Men

[Please make sure to read this before proceeding]

A play in One Act

Cast of characters:
Rod: An unidentified species of rodent
Charlie: His side-kick
Jess: a perturbed homeowner
Jeff: the other perturbed homeowner

Place: A spacious attic in Flint, present day

(The curtain opens with Jess at the computer. She glances up toward the ceiling, annoyed, listening to the persistent gnawing. The lights fade down on Jess and come up on Rod and Charlie in the attic.)

Rod: (walking on his hind legs, using a piece of floor joist as a toothpick) Hey Charlie, here's another one of those sticky sheets, watch out for it. (talking as he expertly maneuvers around it)

Charlie: (a heavy set fellow, prone to clumsiness) Thanks, Rod. There sure are a lot of these sticky things up here these days. Where do you think they came from?

Rod: (stomping extra hard on the floor, snickering as he glances down) Oh, I have my suspicions.

(Jess angrily glances up at the ceiling, trying to will the power of x-ray vision to see the little bastard through the floor)

Charlie: Say, Rod, I'm hungry. Where should we go today?

Rod: (looking at his wristwatch on his wiry rodent arm) Hmm... well, it's about 10:30 in the morning. I'd say the humans are out of bed and are probably working on the computer, so why don't we snack above the office? That would probably piss them off most.

Charlie: (chuckling) Good one, Rod. Good one.

Rod: (clawing ferociously at a piece of insulation) And then for our lunchtime snack, we'll move over to the guest room closet at the end of the hall where the human practices the flute. I'm sure she heard us in there yesterday. I think I heard her scream a little bit. (cruel chuckling)

Charlie: (grabbing his rotund belly, shaking with laughter) Rod, you are truly inspired.

(lights fade on Rod and Charlie, and come up on Jess as she calls down the stairs to Jeff)

Jess: Jeff, do you think we should check the traps today?

Jeff: (calling back up the stairs) No, I don't think so. Remember, if we don't go up there, they won't realize they're traps and we'll be more likely to catch more.

(sounds of gnawing pervade the office)

Jess: Hmmm... I'm not so sure of that...

(Lights fade. Curtain falls with sounds of Charlie gnawing and Rod's fading laughter).

THE END.