Nailed

So after being inspired by my friend Kathleen's post on her amazing do-it-herself kitchen remodel, I thought, I'm going to replace those light switch covers in our bedroom! And I'm going to get some nails and hang up that mirror above our dresser!

So I headed out, happily listening to the Retro Lunch, to the neighborhood Home Depot. I decided to look for the nails first. Now, all my life I have only seen nails that have come in those small see-through boxes with the bend-back lids. There are about 50 or so nails in a package. That's what I was after. I find the aisle marked "nails". Perfect.

Did you know that there are 346 varieties of nails that come in quantities of 1000? Hmm.

Okay, okay. No problem. I can read. Let's see... construction nails? No... Drywall nails?... No, we have plaster walls... Common nails? Maybe! Okay. 4" smooth, qty. 1,000,000. No.

Perhaps I'll look for the light switch covers.

I found them without too much trouble, although it really makes no sense that they would make covers in brass color, but wouldn't make those little dimmer knobs in brass. Doesn't that just make sense??? Come on, light switch cover people!

Okay. Back to the nails. Me wandering around the nail aisle... enter helpful Home Depot guy.

Helpful Home Depot Guy (H.H.D.G.): Can I help you ma'am?

Me: Yes! Do you sell ordinary nails?

H.H.D.G.: Ordinary nails?...

Me: Yes! You know, the kind that you would use to hang a picture or something?

H.H.D.G.: (looking at the 346 varieties of nails in front of us) Well... I bet that one of these would work for you. Let's see, do you have drywall?

Me: (looking doubtfully at the 346 varieties of nails) No, plaster...

H.H.D.G.: Okay, I'll just call someone from hardware to check what nails will work on plaster.

2nd H.H.D.G.: (coming around the corner) Hi, ma'am.

Me: Hi!

H.H.D.G. She's looking for a nail to hang a picture.

Me: Yes, and I only need, you know, a couple. Not a million.

2nd H.H.D.G.: Well, do you want a wall anchor or toggle bolt?

Me: (starting to make hammering motions in the air, hammering into my imaginary plaster, not drywall, wall) No, just an ordinary nail to hammer into the wall so I can hang my picture.

2nd H.H.D.G.: Well, do you want a nail or a brad?

Me: (laughing out loud now) I think just a nail. An ordinary nail. Do you have those?

2nd H.H.D.G.: (walking a little ways down the aisle) Well, we have these... (gesturing disdainfully toward a small area of shelf full of small see-through boxes with the bend-back lids)

Me: Yay! Perfect!

And so ends my foray into home improvement for the day...